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Loading ...S&M
I thought the good thing about meeting people online was that you got to know them before you started dating them. Not always true—no matter who you’re dating, there’s always stuff that comes out once you’re involved enough to get hurt.
Take Sandra, for instance. I met her on a dating website that had otherwise proved unfruitful for months. Smart, successful and gorgeous, Sandra had it all. Including a past.
A couple of months after we started seeing each other, and about a month after we’d started sleeping together, Sandra and I started talking about our preferences… you know, in bed. I’m like a lot of guys—lesbians turn me on, I’ve got the “naughty maid” fantasy and I’ve never said no to backdoor access. Judging by what I knew about Sandra so far, I was guessing she was similar to a lot of women I’d known—secretly wanting to be dominated and spanked, secretly wanting to let out her raunchy side but needing to feel comfortable to do so. Little did I know, that wasn’t even the half of it.
It turns out my sweet new girlfriend was into S&M. Sure, she wanted to be dominated and spanked, but I believe the correct terms for what she wanted are “hogtied” and “flogged.” Now, I’m an open-minded kind of guy, I understand that sexuality is not as straight-forward as my fairly mainstream porn collection would lead a person to believe. I wanted her to be satisfied, too, so I listened and asked questions, and as she got into more detail about the kind of stuff she was into, I asked “How do you come up with this stuff?” and she said “Oh, I’ve been involved in the community.”
“Community?” I asked. I had no idea what was coming next, and you’d never have guessed it looking at the successful marketing exec sitting across from me.
Ever watched the show “Kink”? Well, the stuff Sandra started to talk about was straight out of that horribly disturbing Showcase show. A whole S&M community operates out there, holding parties where people go to have complete strangers violate them in the most Story of O ways. “Submissives” actually fill out forms at the door, indicating what types of acts they are comfortable having committed to them (you know, like “penetration in any hole is permitted; clamps and whips of all sorts are fine; my ass is open territory but stay away from my nipples”) and then a total stranger (a “Dominant”) takes them into a room and does whatever he or she wants to them.
As if it wasn’t a total nightmarish fairy tale, even as an abstract thought, I was learning that my girlfriend, my sweet and beautiful Sandra with whom I was falling in love, was involved in this stuff. Sandra had filled out these forms. Sandra had been led into rooms, hogtied by strangers, blindfolded and had acts I can’t even bring myself to imagine committed to her.
And horror of all horrors: she liked it.
Ugh.
Since then, I make sure to ask the right questions when chatting online.