Worst Online Date - Bad Date Stories

What would you do if you met the perfect guy, fell in love, and then couldn’t even stand to kiss him?

I met Alex on a dating website. He was a highly-paid software engineer with IBM, good-looking, funny, the works. He was in the same boat as me—older, divorced with teenaged children, and looking to find companionship. We got along famously and were both excited to meet each other. A few weeks after we’d started chatting, we decided to go out for dinner together.

I bought a new dress, new shoes and got my hair done. I dabbed on some of my favorite, expensive French perfume and headed down to answer the knock at the door. When I opened it, I found Alex, handsome as ever, standing on the front porch. But as the door opened up, it air it wafted in from outside smelled of the garbage my neighbors had left out next to their garage. What a shame, I thought, that it had marred my first moment with Alex. Oh well, I thought, and invited him into the house. As I closed the door, the stale garbage stink stayed in the house. I thought: Wow, my neighbors really have some old garbage that it could stink that strongly. Oh well, I thought, it’ll disintegrate and disappear soon enough. I apologized to Alex, but he said he didn’t really notice it so I felt more comfortable. I smiled and thought, what a gentleman, and invited him in for a drink before we went to dinner. As we walked into the living room, however, I noticed that the stale air from the garbage was actually following us into the house! Gross, I thought, maybe it latched onto Alex’s dinner jacket and now it was stuck to him. Oh well, I figured, if it’s not bothering him, I shouldn’t let it bother me.

Half an hour went by and the stench only got stronger in the house. I didn’t know what to think! My mind was going all over the map to ridiculous ideas: maybe I had forgotten to apply deodorant and was very, very nervous; maybe one of my kids had been sick upstairs and the smell was actually wafting down from one of their bedrooms; maybe when I opened the door, some dying animal scampered into the house and is now rotting away under the stairs!

It was only after Alex laughed heartily at a joke I’d managed to squeeze out in the midst of my paranoia that I figured out where the smell was coming from! His mouth! That rotten, skunky garbage-juice stench was simply Alex’s disgustingly bad breath! Wow, I thought, I’ve never smelled anything so horrendous, and it’s actually being produced by such a beautiful thing sitting across from me. I went into the kitchen and brought out some scotch mints. He had one, and for a brief moment, his breath smelled a little minty… but it was as fleeting as my hopes for a romantic evening. How did I expect a little mint to battle the forces of evil hiding in his gums and under his tongue? How was I ever going to stand being around this guy, let alone kiss him, or anything else?

Needless to say, things didn’t last far past that drink with Alex. What a shame that halitosis is not something you can diagnose through an online relationship!